It’s a full moon tonight.

Yesterday, I had an unfortunate incident. It was a mild evening, and my bedroom was sporting a floor-drobe of dirty washing. I had no urgent matters to attend to, and so it seemed that the universe was urging me to tackle with small Everest of clothes forming, and go to the launderette. And so, after chugging a glass of wine and coercing my best friend into coming with me I finally had the courage to attempt the daunting task.

Why such a daunting task? Well, a combination of the sheer quantity of dirty clothes and the stressful nature of the launderette. Which washers have been claimed? Did she skip the queue? Can I see a red sock in my whites? WHY HAS THIS PERSON NOT COLLECTED THEIR CLOTHES YET? I’m sure you are all aware. Thankfully this time disaster had been averted, my washer pinged and I bent down to retrieve my clothes. Moments later I hear a small scream from my friend. I turn round to see her frankly horrified face as well as a number of young men with eyebrows raised so high they seemed to merge with their hairlines. It became horrifyingly apparent that I had exposed myself to the entire launderette. … Thank you leggings.

I would like to first point out that I do like leggings. They’re comfortable and really versatile and so if you like them wear them. You must abide by one non-negotiable condition; that they are OPAQUE. I’ve seen many a girl wandering about town seemingly oblivious to the fact that most of their arse is on display. Up until now I have rolled my eyes or internally tutted at this blatant indecent exposure. Now I understand, some of these offenders were in fact victims. They – like me – were in fact completely unaware that the opaque, trouser substitute legging that they had payed for would in fact become a crappy version of tights after a few washes. With this horrifying discovery at the forefront of my mind I feel obliged to make this public service announcement for all women.

How to check if your leggings will unknowingly make you the butt of a joke:

1) Bend over in a mirror, stretch the fabric as much as possible. Can you tell which undies you put on this morning? Yes? TAKE OFF THOSE LEGGINGS.

2) Get a (very, very good) friend to do you a favor and take a picture of your arse with the flash on. Same rule applies can you see your knickers? TAKE ‘EM OFF.

This was a service announcement by L. Golightly, you are welcome.